Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
