guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
