i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
