I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
