I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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