Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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