a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
