do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
