I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
