I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
