I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
