Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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