Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
