I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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