She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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