Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
