dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I just found a bag of teeth...
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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