Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
