Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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