I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
