Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Randomize
