She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
