so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
