I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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