Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
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that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
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It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"