meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.