tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
