so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
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His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
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Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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