Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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