...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
