Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
you didnt know i had herpes?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
