I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
