mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
