i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
