shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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