what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
