I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
