bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I came so hard my ears popped.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
