His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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