go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
