I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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