And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
