let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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