I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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