Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
