i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
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He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
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I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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