Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
