A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
