I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
