I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
