Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Randomize
