My pussy is not your playground.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
