3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
