if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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