i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
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theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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