So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
