They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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