I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
