I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
