Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
