So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
