i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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