I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
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He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
MIDGETS
????
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I did not marry a roomba.
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