We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
