Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
