Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
my being single is dangerous.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
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