man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
