her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
