everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
