A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
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