Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
