He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
