somebody snuck up and got me drunk
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
