she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
