she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
