Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
