I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
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He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
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She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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