it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
