Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
