Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
