Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
