between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
